Signs you Might be with a Narcissist

Sometimes you just gotta find the humor in a crazy situation… and sometimes you have to own up to all the glaring 60 ft Red Flags you ignored in your quest to believe that Prince Charming really was just charming and not freaking crazy.

So for all of your reading pleasure, here are the things I should have paid attention to:

  1. My Narcissist Claims he was Struck by Lightning – While I generally believe that this could have actually happened. (The Narcissist grew up on a farm and spent a lot of time fixing fences and moving sprinklers around in fields.) The part that I really should have paid attention to was why the Narcissist believes he was struck by lightning. You see – right before it happened, the Narcissist was asking God for super powers (he was like 7 years old). So the Narcissist believes that God intentionally struck him with lightning to prove a point. The Narcissist used this as one of many proof points to explain how special he is.
  2. The Narcissist cut off ties with EVERYONE – I believe that every family has its challenges and I think there are completely rational reasons to cut some people from your life when it is unhealthy. The red flag I should have paid attention to here was that the Narcissist literally cut everyone out of his life… his mother, step father, step siblings, his first wife, etc. Then he started imposing that rule on my life as well. It is exhausting to fill the role of everyone for a Narcissist.
  3. Ranger Panties – For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing a sexy
    “Ranger Panties”

    man in Ranger Panties view the photo to the right. They can be quite revealing, which can be fun. Its a military thing, I get it… but the Narcissist liked to wear these constantly. Out running around the neighborhood (and sometimes shirtless to boot), casual trips to the grocery store or gas station, and around the house pretty much always. They are essentially an excuse to be in your underwear in public.

  4. Waxing/Shaving/Grooming – In my book a man should care about his physical appearance, but the Narcissist took the term Metro Sexual to a whole new level. It started innocently enough with trips to the tanning bed and some eye brow waxing at home. It escalated to full body hair trimming (can you say spiky leg hair?!) and waxing at a salon. It took the Narcissist more effort to get his body grooming just right than me… or an Olympic Swimmer for that matter.
  5. General Appearance – It took the Narcissist longer than me to get ready… for work, for going to the supermarket, for going out for a night… for EVERYTHING. While I could run to the supermarket in my workout clothes… the Narcissist needed to be fully clothed to perfection. His hair had to be perfect, his clothes had to be steamed, his accessories had to be perfectly matched to his outfit. It was an endless battle of me laying on the bed telling him how great his ass looked in his pants or that “No really, the pink pants look the best with the brown shoes!”
  6. Love of Reflective Surfaces / Selfies – The Narcissist literally reached a point of self love where he could not walk past something shiny without looking at himself. It used to drive me crazy. He has also been known to take more selfies than most Instagram models and often at the most awkward times.
  7. Everyone Loves Me! – The Narcissist constantly felt the need to let me know how much other people loved and appreciated him. It started with his military colleagues, the locals in the country we lived in, the people he worked with, the people in his Destiny clan, random women on airplanes and people in the street. If everything he says is true, this man has been propositioned for sex and marriage by more gay men, straight women, and grandmothers/mothers/fathers of straight woman than any other human in history.
  8. Food / Exercise / Diet – Being with the Narcissist was like being with an anorexic woman. The list of things he wouldn’t eat is longer than the list of things he would. Every single calorie had to be entered into the phone app, every menu item had to be questioned, everything had to be planned out in advance. If it wasn’t dairy free, gluten free, carb free, dressing-on-the-side, low fat, grass-fed… the man wouldn’t touch it. There is just something that feels wrong about going into a restaurant and wanting to order a burger when your man orders the side salad with nothing on it. He would also constantly be claiming to be “getting fat” and needing to work out. The Narcissist was 6’1″ and 165 lbs soaking wet. He would constantly pinch the “roll” of skin that formed over his 8-pack and say “I really need to workout today.” No matter how much self esteem and confidence you have as a woman… you will feel fat with this Narcissist every single day because you will never have the desire nor the OCD tendencies required to keep up with his lifestyle.

So those are the biggies that are coming to mind today, but I am sure that this will be an ever evolving list!


16 thoughts on “Signs you Might be with a Narcissist

    1. I’m at a place where I can laugh about it now which is helping. When I start thinking about these things and actually say them out loud it is just so funny. I can’t believe I was in love with this man. I can’t believe what an exhausting high-maintenance handful he was.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I am exhausted just reading this. How did you stay sane living with this guy? He is so self-centered that you probably were only an appendage. People don’t understand how really seriously disordered someone with narcissistic personalities is.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Congrats, on finding your sanity through the open doors of laughter.
    I was foolish to believe my narc so long, she’s a sociopathic lier. What’s funny now is she can’t change, & I did.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lots of triggers here for me:

    Cut off ties with everyone: Not everyone, but several times over the years, when she felt especially dumped on by her equally narc siblings, she would go on tirades about how she was completely cutting off all contact with her family. When I would say: “OK, I know you’re upset, but is that something you really want to follow through with?” she would get furious and accuse me of not supporting her.

    Food/Exercise/Diet: if I had a quarter for every breakdown/panic attack I was witness to because of her obsession with any given part of her body, I could afford to buy her out and move away somewhere. Constant, and I mean CONSTANT, obsession. “Look at this! LOOK AT THIS!! I’m DISGUSTING!!!” But now that she’s got supply from the group of new ‘friends’ she’s fucking, of course it’s not nearly a concern.

    Love of Reflective Surfaces / Selfies — OMG, the selfies that have been posted since the mindfucking started is unbelievable. Comments from people I haven’t seen in years: “What’s going on with your wife?!” What helps is that her new ‘primary partner’ posts just as many. (Nothing more pathetic than a guy who wont stop posting selfies.) They each seem to have found carbon copies of themselves — wonder which one will start getting bored/frustrated with the other first.

    She also continues to make a HUGE deal to anyone who will listen that she placed 14th in her age category in a Spartan Race last fall. What nobody but me knows (and her, unless she’s surpressed it) is that she took at least one massive shortcut that cut down her time nificatnl

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is great and brings back so many memories of my narc. He too told such tall tales. I don’t go around telling outrageous stories about myself, so at the time couldn’t imagine someone else doing so. Now, I look back and see those stories as red, red flags. Some of the many things he told me….. Don’t laugh…. Drum roll please:

    – He went to college on a gymnastics scholarship; thus, his parents had hanging rings in the living room
    – His daughter-in-law was a former Victoria Secret’s model
    – Son lived in Beverly Hills (lived in Pasadena)
    – He had an office in Texas and used to personally fly a plane back and forth between his home in Kansas and Texas
    – He was small businessman of the year
    – Graduated from his Ivy league college with one of the highest GPA’s

    Should I go on…..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel seriously sorry for anyone born after 1980. Why? Because self-adoration was never so easy before selfies and manscaping, metrosexuals, and slim cut shirts.
    It was hard for me (pre-1980 baby) to separate the fucked-up way people just ARE in 2016 from the li’l nuggets if *narcissism* in the post.

    Narcissism borne of parents who denied their narcissist-in-formation’s basic rights to express, then to moderate, emotions are a whole different tier of tragic than some selfie-shithead who thinks he’s Mario Lopez.
    This guy sounds less like narcissist material and more like asshole material.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mary, thanks for reading. I assure you that the Narcissist in question is truly NPD and not simply a selfie-loving Millennial. He fits the profile from childhood abandonment, childhood physical abuse, and on and on and on. Some of the things that I called out in the post are just ways that his personality manifested towards the end of our marriage when some of his major sources of Narcissistic Supply were taken away.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s