Books to get you Through: Psychopath Free

I started reading Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie sometime last week and although I am only about 50 pages into the book, my mind has been blown on every page. This book is so insanely accurate to my experiences it is just crazy. I feel like this should be required reading before someone enters dating age… I mean if I had realized these signs before I met the Narcissist I don’t think I would be in this place today.

What struck me in last night’s reading was a little call-out box called “No Support” on page 31.

“Psychopaths provide shallow praise and flattery only in order to gain trust. When you actually need emotional support, they will typically offer an empty response- or they will completely ignore you. With time, this conditions you not to bother them with your feelings, even when you need a partner the most, especially during times of tragedy or illness. You will begin to notice that you are never allowed to express anything but positive praise for them. And even then, they will become bored soon enough and move on to the next target. Unable to empathize with pain and suffering, psychopaths cannot provide compassion during difficult times. This is why their “support” will always feel hollow and mechanical at best.” 

Throughout my 8 years with the Narcissist I can remember frequently feeling like every time the Narcissist experienced anything – it was “the worst thing to ever happen” the “most painful injury” the “worst colder ever.” He was ALWAYS under more stress than me, he was always more sick than me, he was always needing more attention than me. It used to basically give me an anxiety attack when he got sick because it was exhausting to shower him with love and attention on a good day, let alone when he was sick and miserable and tired.

I could NEVER get him to sympathize with me when I was having a hard time, when things were tough for me, or god forbid, when I didn’t feel good. I can remember some of my toughest times over those 8 years (medical procedures, funeral, being sick, the stress of a full-time job a full-time MBA program and a crappy boss) where the Narcissist would make it seem like he was there and supportive, but the gist of the message was always “toughen up and get over it.” He was famous for trying to convince me that the best way to get over the flu was to “sweat it out” through an intense workout, and anytime I showed any normal emotions of sadness, stress, depression, anxiety I would get slammed for “not being in control of my emotions.”

A prime example of this behavior is that I had to endure a job for almost 3 years with a boss who belittled me and treated me like crap, a 55 mile commute (1-way) while I was also doing full-time night courses to finish my MBA and I just kept chugging along because we needed the income and benefits. The Narcissist worked a ‘from-home’ job for 8 months while taking courses towards his Bachelors (1/2 were online classes and I did the bulk of the course-work for him) and he quit his job because he couldn’t handle the emotional abuse that his boss was putting him through. You know, because she wanted him to be working from 9-5 not from 12-4 when it was convenient for him.

It becomes so difficult in these abusive and isolated situations because you literally have no one else to turn to for support. I was cut off from all of my family and friends, I was able to maintain a few work acquaintances but it didn’t make sense to just unload all of my troubles on these people and ask for support. I can even remember showing the Narcissist an article about how it has been statistically proven that women need other women friendships in their lives. The article discussed how the simple process of talking about a problem between women decreased cortisol levels in the brain and helped women feel better even if no solution to the problem was found. He read the article and then told me that I have a tendency to want to play “the victim” as a way to get sympathy and love from others, and that it was really unhealthy and I should work on that.

Towards the end as I started to come out of the fog of the abuse and his mirages, I vividly remember fighting with him and saying “everything is such a big deal when it happens to you and I have to be there to support you and care about you through it all, but every time I have had to endure something hard and difficult – I’ve done it alone.” The conversation always ended with the confusion tornado and I would come out the other side being blamed for not caring about his needs and being insensitive to what he was going through… and I would apologize for all of it… for not doing enough for him when he needed me, and for not being strong enough to deal with my own shit.

What a mind-f*ck Narcissist.

11 thoughts on “Books to get you Through: Psychopath Free

  1. Wow. I remember telling the Loser puppet (in one of our final exchanges) that he was always the one I wanted to run to when something happened…but I didn’t…because he was so emotionally absent. He responded that he “truly wished” he had been the one I could run to. LOL
    At that time, he had his tramp running to him, so there wasn’t time for me…as usual.
    Your narcissist telling you that you that you have a tendency to want to play the victim is SO typical. Of course you do. It couldn’t possibly be HIS fault. We all know that it’s never THEIR fault. And….YOU apologizing.
    These people wreak such havoc on our lives…and expect us to capitulate and take the blame…and we did….and do.
    I hope you can heal from this.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I thought it was normal. I thought everybodys’ husband ignored them, treated them like shit and bullied their children. I didn’t find out until it was too late and the the marriage by all accounts…was dead. Sigh.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Duffrunning, I am really starting to think that they all read a manual. It is so disturbing to read the exact same steps, tactics, phrases that are used across the board with Narcissists and other personality disorders in abuse. I just hope that spreading my story will help others see the similarities.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I can relate to a lot of what’s written here. CF never had an illness that did not necessitate him going to the ER. No, I take that back. I think he might have had a cold once or twice that did not need not emergency medical care. He is the only person I have ever known who needed IV fluids due to having a stomach virus. And of course, he was near death! I’m not a doctor but I’m pretty sure when you’re near death they don’t give you the option of returning home to your own bed.

    Mine said to me on more than one occasion, “Only one of us can be crazy (mad, frustrated, disappointed, adjective of your choice) at a time and that person is always me.” Should I give him bonus points for recognizing that?

    I think the best part though is how he cheated on me, funneled money to his mistress all summer, started up a joint bank account with her and gave her carte blanche access to half of his paycheck and yet somehow HE is the victim and I am the monster. He actually had the audacity to tell our daughter, when she told him finding out that her father was cheating on her mom was the worst day of her life, that he was sorry about that but I had never loved him. Oh brother!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not completely away yet. I live in a state that has a one year waiting period. Now, 2 months before that period is up he conveniently lost his job. Thankfully, he no longer lives in the same state so I don’t have to deal with him.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I just found you and this one story already had me thinking I found understanding of my crazy life. I plan on reading everything and thank y in advance because I can tell we are cut from the same mold.

    Liked by 1 person

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