“if someone has ever wronged you in life, be loud about it. don’t sit in silence, don’t allow the people who have hurt you to feel like they’ve gotten off easily. write about it if you need to, yell about it if you damn well please but do not let them fucking silence you. forgive them, yes! but forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to sit in the darkness they’ve caused while biting your own tongue. forgiving them doesn’t even mean you have to accept them in your life. i’m tired of people who dance around the inconvenient truth just to keep up an appearance of perfection. i’m tired of people feeling like they can control what the truth looks like by expecting others to live in a fucking lie. do not compromise your emotional truths for people who would rather ignore you or what you’ve been through. fuck that.”
-r.h. Sin
Just saw this today from one of my favorite poets r.h. Sin. It is so true and so awesome and summarizes so much of why I started my blog and why I continue to utilize this means of healing.
Abuse silences you,
It takes away your wants, desires and needs.
It muffles out your voice, your opinion, your intuition.
It takes away your emotions and prevents you from expressing the anger and outrage inside.
It makes you compliant… without even questioning it or thinking it.
It makes you forget what it even feels like to make a decision for yourself.
Talking about abuse empowers you,
It reminds you that what you want matters.
It lets you express your voice however you see fit.
It helps you find and process all those jumbled feelings.
It makes you resist the ideals and norms that got you into an abusive relationship to begin with.
It helps you remember who you were before, and shows you a new version of yourself that you never even imaged.
Take back your voice, share your story, become a beacon for the silent sisters who are still trapped in the fog.
❤
Divorcing a Narcissist Blog 
Yeah, first – I’m too concerned that he will punish me for escaping and use the law to connect back with me over ‘our’ son. Second, his wife doesn’t believe a word. She really is – stuck in the fog. Like everyone around him – they’ve known him all his life but they must be a narcissistic family to not see.
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Jarwithaheavylid, I totally understand the safety concerns. I took a ‘anonymous’ style to my blog where I keep it separate from all of my personal accounts so that The Narcissist could never accuse me of slander. I also made the mistake of trying to “help” the Narcissist’s first victim post me and that just infuriated him on a whole new level – she instantly showed him the blog and he went on a gas-lighting and smear campaign for a while after that. It is difficult to know what they are getting into and not warn them, but they want to believe the story that you are the crazy one until it happens to them. ❤
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Unbelievable when someone who has known him for 19 years can’t see it. Do you believe that through all those years at a soul level you knew you were being abused? John Bradshaw’s video seminar series ‘Homecoming’ on YouTube says that our soul knows, even if our brain shuts it out. Worth a watch, since you would have been with the narc due to unhealed childhood wounds.
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jarwithaheavylid, thank you I have not seen those videos but I will definitely check them out. My soul absolutely knew that something was wrong in my marriage, but I kept trying to blame myself for it and thought I could fix it with my behaviors. ❤
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I’m glad you finally listened to yourself. I hope you thank yourself every day. 🙂
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Loved this. All of it so true! Makes me want to puke. The shit I’ve been through & still going through. Everyone tries not to upset him, ignores what he’s done because they don’t want to deal with his explosions or his disappearances. So exhausting.
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ifonlymommy, it is “easier” for people to pretend that things are really not as bad as they are. Many people shy away from the truth because they don’t want to believe it. So frustrating!! ❤
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jarwithaheavylid, First of all, I understand your fear. I, too, write under anonymity so I don’t get sued. Second of all, I know for sure my marriage to a narc was a total re-enactment of my relationship with my distant dad and my critical mom.That being said, do not underestimate the manipulative power of a narcissist. Not everyone ends up with a narc due to re-enactment or repetition compulsion. Narcs can rope in even those not so wounded. Divorcinganarcissist, Lundy Bancroft writes how often bystanders and even victims take an abuser’s viewpoint:”you are being cruel to me if you speak up about my abuse” That is narcissistic injury at its finest. I think very often we have their voices still stuck in our heads, and believe that. Speaking up has been healing, but for me, I know I have deeper wounds because I wish the abusers in my life would hear it. I think releasing the need to be heard by them would bring a new level of healing. That being said, I’m still pissed enough to be loud. I have to be careful and be loud where it is safe, though. Often we who are mad and loud are dismissed as being bitter, holding on too long, or being crazy. That’s what is messed up.
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Definitely watch John Bradshaw’s Homecoming on YouTube and get his book. It’s all about having your wounded child’s voice heard. The narc was only there for us to reenact our original pain – but we must go to our original pain to heal. Sadly, we needed the narc to illuminate this need to ourselves. Luckily we are intelligent enough to realise this. 🙏
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Yes, I read his book years ago. Now I practice Internal Family Systems which absolutely recognizes what you just wrote…that we need to heal our inner wounded children. I will visit his YouTube channel for sure
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Psycholobitch, I totally agree! For a long time when I first left The Narcissist I felt like I needed him to acknowledge what he had done before I could move on and heal from it. I was trying (like banging my head against a wall) to talk to him and get him to understand… and surprise, surprise it NEVER happened. Eventually I realized that if I was going to heal I had to do it through no-contact and by acknowledging to myself what happened all while realizing that he was never going to see things the way that I do, and that is okay because he no longer matters to my happiness. ❤
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Also, I can see a narcissist totally loving this poem, too, since they are eternal victims and always looking for justification for their scapegoating. But I do love this poem.
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haha true! However, my narcissist would have hated this poem and said something like… “anger is never the answer, the bible says to turn the other cheek, forgiveness means completely letting the original thing go, your version of the truth and the truth of what happened are two different things…”
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Couldn’t agree more! The first step towards being heard is the hardest…but DO IT!!!! Speak up! You will soon see that most of the sane world agrees that the abuse is WRONG! Friends, confidants, family members, professionals (GPs, therapists etc.) will be the voice of reason. They will help you give strength to that voice inside you that has been silenced for so long. They will re-assure you that you are NOT the one in the wrong but the perpetrator is. They will help you grow and be able to deal with it and eventually escape / stand up to / be free of the abuse. SAY SOMETHING! xx
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Zara, yes, yes, YES!! ❤
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this is amazing and so completely true. abusers gain power by silencing your voice. Talking about it and telling your story is the only way to get it back. Thank you for encouraging survivors to speak.
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This is exactly why I have just started a blog. I need to make some sense of it all. I need to widen my network of people that understand. It’s the beginning of me building a future for myself.
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Yes!! Congrats on starting your blog journey, it’s been a huge help for me!
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I just started my blog about these same exact issues. It can never be talked about enough. Stay kind, -E
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Thank you for sharing your story!! More survivors need to do so. ❤
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