I’ve always been a huge fan of poetry and used to dabble in writing it myself. I found that in the early days post separation from The Narcissist, I related a lot to the words of poets like r.h. sin. He has a new book out “I hope this reaches her too” which I think will resonate with many of you reading this blog.
I saw this poem pop up in a news feed and couldn’t help but think I wish I had read those words at some point in time. So now I share them with all of you… and I mean it.
I wanted to share it today, as I sit here on the other side of it all because I could have never even imagined how absolutely amazing the other side really is. I guess I always pictured a future life through some sort of messed up, Narcissist-infused filter. From where I was, I couldn’t quite picture what it would all look like to really remove The Narcissist from my life and find myself again. The road to get here was tough, there were times I thought I was making the wrong decisions, there were times that I relapsed in weakness, there were times where I thought I was absolutely crazy and I would never be “okay” again… but I just kept going.
The reality is that surviving in an abusive relationship (for a day, a week, a year, a lifetime) takes immense strength, courage and perseverance. The problem is that the abuser makes us feel like we are weak and pathetic and incapable. It takes so much inner strength to try to love someone who makes it impossible, it takes strength to bite your tongue and not say the things burning in your throat, it takes strength to hold it all together when everything around you is falling apart, it takes strength to walk on all that broken glass every day, it takes strength to hide the things that you are going through from the outside world. You have it in you already… you’re doing it already.
Another thing they do that really warps your perspective…. they make us believe that needing any support from others is a sign of weakness. That could not be farther from the truth. It’s hard to be vulnerable when you are coming out of an abusive scenario, and it takes courage to trust others to take that vulnerability and not use it against you. I would never be where I am today without the help of my village. My family, my friends who let me become a part of their family, my therapist, my sparring partners in martial arts, the people I’ve dated along the way…. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in different ways with all of these people… and that’s where the real healing starts.
I’m in a really happy place today. In fact, I’m pinching myself on the regular these days because I dreamt about being in this place through my healing journey and I finally feel like I made it. I am checking so many things off of my list, I’m travelling to places I’ve always wanted to see, I am buying my dream home, I have a great job, I am in love with someone who makes me truly happy. It’s all better than I could have ever imagined.
So read these words and know that I see you. I know your pain. I know the journey you face. And I know you are capable of doing it too.
All the ❤