I’m three years out.
THREE YEARS OUT… and in the midst of my normal, happy, sane life I am reminded of just how far I have come in that time.
Yesterday, I received two anonymous letters in my mailbox. They were addressed to me with my maiden name, and mailed to my new home address. They had no return address. Inside each envelope was a card, with a folded sheet of computer paper inside.
These print-outs read:
“How well do you know “The Narcissist”?
- Do you know he is a gamer?
- Do you know he meets young girls on those games?
- Do you know he has been talking to a 18 yr old girl for 3 years?
- Do you know he mailed her a phone to manipulate her?
- Do you know he convinced this girl to run away from home?
- Do you know he is planning on marrying her?
- Do you know he started talking to her when she was 15 and he was 30?
- Do you know he claims his whole family is dead?
- Do you know that “The Narcissist” is a child predator?
And there is so much more to tell….”
My initial reactions to reading this were quite a mix. At first at felt fear and vulnerability realizing that someone knew my maiden name, home address, and that I had previous connections to him. Then I talked through it with my person and realized that all of that can be found with about 15 minutes of Googling. Next, I felt sick. Sick to my stomach for this girl and for her family. Then, I felt an enormous pang of guilt. I sat on my kitchen counter sobbing to my person about how terrible I feel that I didn’t do more to send him to jail, to have his crimes documented, to do everything I could humanly do so that he could not do this to another girl.
Am I shocked by what is in this letter? Not at all. I am horrified that this poor girl was 15 years old when she fell under his spell. Someone that young is so impressionable, so naïve, so much easier to manipulate. It makes perfect sense that he would start targeting younger and younger girls.
Whoever sent me these letters did not leave any way for me to contact them. My only clue to any of this is that the postage mark on the envelope was from Boise, Idaho. My best guess is that the family of this girl is sending out these letters trying in any way that they can to reach out to people who might still have contact with him. I am sure they are desperate. I am sure they are scared…. and my heart is breaking for them.
I hope that somehow through the magic of the internet, that they find their way to this blog.
To whomever sent me this letter:
I do not have any contact with The Narcissist. I have not had any contact with him since our divorce hearing almost three years ago. I know personally that he is capable of all of the things you listed in this letter. I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. If there is anything I could do to help your daughter, I would. If you somehow find this post and find this blog, please reach out to me. I happy to share my story with you, I want to help.
❤
Divorcing a Narcissist Blog 
Hey! I have been wondering how you have been doing. I have been hoping for the best for you and others like us that have experienced narcissistic abuse.
Well, the situation you speak of in your blog is not your fault. Sometimes evil people find a temporary escape hatch, but the universe always has a way of exposing them and dropping a load of karma in their laps. Unfortunately for us, as ex-spouses of NPD people, we sometimes get caught in the blow black from their misdeeds (people reach out for validation/help or other entities are searching for the ex). Do not let those moments torpedo your happiness and continued recovery.
Be well.
Angie
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It’s disgusting that the person would try and involve someone who is in his past. What do they expect her to do? She should mind her own business and take care of her own life which she IS doing now. 🙏
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Thank you! I definitely know this at my core. It’s been hard to receive this information for a number of reasons… I feel helpless, I feel frustrated to still be reminded of his crazy ass, and I just feel sick for his latest victim. I think if there’s a positive, it’s that this has reminded me how important sharing my story continues to be… and I plan to keep trying to do that.
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Wowwowowowowow. That’s soooo insane.
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What? Looks like you really do have a serious problem.. and it’s not them.
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Not sure what you mean light_healing..,
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My ex often used other people to try to reach me. For example I got contacted by his personal trainer out of the blue. I would be very wary.
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Good point, I definitely will NOT be contacting him in any way as a result of this. It could be an extreme attempt at making himself out to be the victim… but I’d honestly be surprised. His image is everything to him, he never wanted the outside world to ever know about anything bad going on below the surface of perfection he was trying to portray.
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As with all things, listen to your instincts.
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I woke up this morning thinking, this is a police matter. This is also what I would do, if I were the parent of an underage child. I would involve the police, rather than leave anonymous notes. I feel there may be something fishy going on.
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I’ve thought about contacting the police on my end but I have zero information to share. It’s frustrating because I have no idea how to be helpful in this situation.
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holy sh*t!!! I was wondering how you’ve been as you hadn’t posted in a while and glad you’ve moved on. WTF is that all about? in the post and to a new address?! sickening and the contents are scary!! I hope you are ok – report this to the police and get some cctv or hidden security fitted so you can see who did this if happens again..
stay safe, be happy x
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I’m six years ‘free’ of mine, I say it like that because I will never be truly free, until one of us is dead. he is worse than ever, I get random phone calls and contact from his ex’s and I help if they ask for it but it usually makes them feel worse.
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My advice – stay away of it. Don’t let be involved into something you know nothing about. That is his fault, his “crime” etc. You don’t have to pay for his sins. Anyway, you are divorced. The letter is disturbing, but also not fair to be sent to you. If the person who sent it wanted a help, it would be written differently with contact info so that you can reply. But, it is written in a way “accusing you” for knowing or not knowing about it. So, live your life. Your conciseness is clear and don’t allow to be pulled into something. Best.
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No. no. no – this was not written by a parent who had to search your maiden name and sent a cryptic anonymous letter. Your ex mailed this — you haven’t posted in over a year, you are no contact and have moved on. The only way he can gain some centrality in your thoughts is through a trick — he can’t use his usual charm, threats, manipulation, you’ll just ignore him. But he CAN use the one thing he knows you will respond to — your immediate empathy for others. So he makes it about a young girl being preyed on — your most sensitive trigger. He uses his name all over it (his name in print! multiple times!), he fills it with his own stuff — I’m going to marry her! I bought her a phone! I’m an awesome gamer! — and makes it oddly untraceable (Boise?) and knows you will put him at the center of your thoughts again. You’ll be concerned. And you will post it — his only real contact any more. And you will get riled up about him, and make him central in a drama about him, and boy is he good at this. He may even now try to contact you disguised as the concerned party . . . or not. Just ignore all of this. It isn’t real.
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Thank you for the concern. It actually wasn’t The Narcissist, but I was very realistically concerned at first that it could be.
I did enough digging on my own to find out what was happening (without ever putting myself at risk of interacting with The Narcissist.) My digging led me to a missing person poster for a 17-year-old girl, and then a lengthy conversation with a detective on the case.
It’s a heartbreaking story and one that I’ve done all I can to help, but now unfortunately it’s up to her to figure out as a grown adult.
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